This is going to be my first game on the app store. I am trying not to make any mistakes, and play it right.
I would like to show you a draft of the description, and get your opinion:
José wakes up one morning and can't find his favorite bottle of Tequila! This dude is willing to do what it takes, so help him out, will you amigo?
Test your wits and build your brain muscles in this challenging puzzle game!
Find a Way, José! is a new and refreshing take on the sliding-block puzzler genre we are used to enjoying on successful hits such as Unblock Me and Rush Hour. The game is quite simple: slide away irregularly shaped blocks in all 4 directions to pave the way for José to his long-lost bottle of Tequila. Some obstacles are non-movable, and many levels have strange and surprising boundaries which make this game a unique experience. On his exciting journey José will explore 6 exotic worlds and solve 60 mind-provoking riddles.
So put your clever hat on, and set up your brain for turbo-mode. You'll have to be very resourceful and extremely cunning in order to overcome this puzzle game.
Features:
- Move tetris-like-shaped blocks in all 4 directions. Some blocks are non-movable and act as obstacles
- Flex your brain muscles with 60 challenging puzzles that will keep you playing for days
- Enjoy 6 originally crafted worlds with richly-detailed graphics
- Accumulate J-Coins as you play along to unlock frustratingly hard levels
- Craft your own levels with our exclusive Level Builder
- Excel yourself and collect all 300 stars
- Solve all 60 puzzles to reveal the mysterious game ending
- Submit your score and progress with Game Center support and Twitter and Facebook integration
- Originally composed soundtracks for each world
- José will cheer, sing and cry throughout the game, depending on your progress
- Free Levels and Themes Updates
Warning: This game is not intended for the slow-witted. If excessive heat accumulates in your right-brain hemisphere, we suggest putting this game down for a couple of hours.
Download "Find a Way, José!" now, and enjoy an extremely challenging mind-boggling puzzle game
I also like it, you have some good marketing techniques in there perhaps a little long? I'd prob just scroll past it to the screenshots after the first few sentences.
I like your humor at the end and throughout prehaps add
Warning: This game is not intended for the slow-witted. If excessive heat accumulates in your right-brain hemisphere, we suggest putting this game down for a couple of hours and picking up a bottle of tequilla!
Generally well done, but I would suggest to swap the block with features and "Find a Way, José! is a new..." paragraph. The good thing is that you've nailed your app's core sense in the first sentence and so it will be visible for people without clicking on "...More" link.
Some people prefer to read a few lines and download an app to figure it out, of course if it's free, some would prefer to read through each line before hitting "Download" button. You don't know beforehand which ones will be your app's audience therefore I think your description is well balanced in both sense.
...I would suggest to swap the block with features and "Find a Way, José! is a new..." paragraph.
@PeterBishop - The "Find a Way, José! is a new..." paragraph is actually where I describe the game mechanics, as in what is the game all about playability-wise, so I think it has to stay at the top.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mediaspree
... we suggest putting this game down for a couple of hours and picking up a bottle of tequilla!
@mediaspree - I am already quite terrified of Apple not approving my game because they might think it is advocating alcoholism... I am trying to shy any connotation to Jose's drinking problem to the bare minimum...
What do you think guys, are my fears justified regarding the alcoholism thing?
@headkaze - Why would you remove the first 2 paragraphs?
Thanks for the piñata idea
Because I think the first two paragraphs are redundent. You want the punchiest description in the first paragraph because of the way Apple cuts off the rest of the text in the default view. Moreover people will most likely only read the first paragraph (and perhaps the bullet list) besides viewing the icon and screenshots and will most likely make a purchase decision based on that. So the hook needs to be in the first paragraph.
What do you think about my game's description?
Thank you guys!
Linear Mode
